Holding My Temper

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I have read two great things recently about handling my normal human being anger.  They synchronize.

The first was this lengthy, powerful article written by a prominent American, Tibetan Buddhist Nun.  She is a woman named Pema Chodron, who was born in 1936 here in America.  She published an article in 2005, which I recently read on LionsRoar.com, The Answer to Anger and Aggression is Patience.

It’s a long article, but so interesting to me.  She is referring, with the words “anger” and “aggression”, to our normal human response of frustration and all of the emotions that get stirred up when we are upset about a situation.  She says basically, we all hear and have all of this advice, but what do you really do when feeling the anger and aggression?

I quote:  “It’s said that patience is a way to de-escalate aggression. I’m thinking here of aggression as synonymous with pain. When we’re feeling aggressive—and in some sense this would apply to any strong feeling—there’s an enormous pregnant quality that pulls us in the direction of wanting to get some resolution. It hurts so much to feel the aggression that we want it to be resolved.”

“At that point, patience means getting smart:  you stop and wait. You also have to shut up, because if you say anything it’s going to come out aggressive, even if you say, ‘I love you’.”

“So what do we usually do?  We do exactly what is going to escalate the aggression and the suffering. We strike out; we hit back. Something hurts our feelings, and initially there is some softness there—if you’re fast, you can catch it—but usually you don’t even realize there is any softness. You find yourself in the middle of a hot, noisy, pulsating, wanting-to-just-get-even-with-someone state of mind:  it has a very hard quality to it. With your words or your actions, in order to escape the pain of aggression, you create more aggression and pain.”

 

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“Patience has a lot to do with getting smart at that point and just waiting:  not speaking or doing anything. On the other hand, it also means being completely and totally honest with yourself about the fact that you’re furious. You’re not suppressing anything—patience has nothing to do with suppression. In fact, it has everything to do with a gentle, honest relationship with yourself.  … When you practice patience, you’re not repressing anger, you’re just sitting there with it – going cold turkey with the aggression.”

Pema Chodron goes on to say more in the article that I found worth reading, but in the event that the several times that I have read and reread this article fail to make a mark on my behavior, listen to this slang term used in England that I’ve just heard.  It perhaps lands a bit of a lower blow about the times I act on my frustration.  It’s the second best thing, yet maybe the most motivating thing, that I have come across.   If I annoyingly or painfully act out my anger on someone, I may be referred to as having “spit out my dummy”.

“Spit out my dummy.”  I don’t have anything else to add to that.

 

Photo credit:  photopin.com

 

 

Herbies in Pacific Beach, CA

Fun Game for You and Your Little Ones

This is simple, yet engaging.  “The Herbie Game” stems from The Love Bug, the 1968 Disney movie classic “starring the lovable little Volkswagen with a personality all its own”.

First, of course, you show your little ones what a classic Volkswagen Beetle looks like.

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You may be surprised at how many are still around;  just the right amount, not too many, and not too few.  No new models – that’s cheating.

The first person to spot one calls out “Herbie” and it’s color, and receives one point.  The only other rules are that a white classic Volkswagen Bug is called “Herbie Goes Bananas”, and is worth two points, and that the crowning achievement of sitings is a classic Volkswagen Bug that is white AND has a white convertible top.  One of these is called “Herbie Goes Bananas Convertible”,  and is worth a whopping three points.  I always felt that a white convertible with a colored top should be worth something extra, but never managed a rule on this.  Half points could increase the math exercise if you think of it that way and want to make it more involved.

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Play anytime you get in the car.  Play anytime you go on a road trip.  Keep score per trip.  Keep an ongoing score total.  Don’t keep score at all, just declare points.  Go crazy when you pass an old-school German auto repair shop.  Do it with toddlers.  Do it with grade schoolers.  Do it with boys.  Do it with girls.  Do it as a family.  Do it as a distraction.

It’s rather fun as it gathers creativity:  “Herbie at the Beach” (surfboard), and “Herbie on Acid” (maybe not a shout out), but “Herbie on Vacation” (luggage rack),

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and of course, “Herbie Needs a Hospital”.

If you want to know some background:  Keith Seume’s book, The Beetle (1999) says “The Volkswagen Beetle remains the world’s most popular car. Against all odds, the pre-war design has survived for over fifty years to become the most successful car ever built, smashing the production record set by Ford’s legendary Model T by a huge margin.  That the Beetle continues to win new admirers is a testimony to the timelessness of the original Porsche-inspired concept.”.

“The story began back in a politically-unstable Germany of the 1930s, a country searching for an identity, a leader, a pride.  With the arrival in German politics of a new figurehead by the name of  [my Harry Potter reference now] He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, the scene was set for a major upheaval of all that had gone before.  The impact of World War I had cost Germany dear, an expenditure of effort from which it would take years to recover.  Gone, seemingly forever, were the days of an automobile industry dominated by luxury car manufacturers, for there was no longer a market for such vehicles.

The German people, suffering from the effects of a declining economy, simply could no longer afford to buy luxury goods, let alone luxury cars.  For the man in the street, daily life meant walking or cycling to work, earning just enough money to keep his family, but little more.  Some rode motorcycles, but few owned cars for they were too costly and, for most people, remained an unattainable dream.  [Harry Potter again]  You-Know-Who, however, had far grander plans for his countrymen than others before him.  He envisaged a German work-force which traveled everywhere by car, along specially-built freeways, or Autobahnen.  His vision of a car for the People – a Volksauto, in the popular parlance of the time – was met with a certain reticence by most people involved in the contemporary automobile industry.  After all, the likes of Horch, Adler and Daimler-Benz had each founded their reputations on grand luxury cars, not on low-cost four-seater economy vehicles.

imageVolkswagen Poster (1938)

Dr. Ferdinand Porsche was one of just a few people who saw the merits of You-Know-Who‘s vision as he, too, had been sketching ideas for a Volksauto while working with companies such as Zundapp and NSU.  You-Know-Who‘s proposals called for a car which could be sold for less than 1,000 Reichsmarks, a figure considered ludicrous by most industrialists, although few had the courage to take the Fuhrer to task on the matter.  For Porsche, the figure was both an absurdity and a challenge. [1,000 German reichsmarks in the 1930s would have been approximately $250  U.S. dollars.   With inflation, it would be approximately equivalent to $4,100  U.S. dollars today.]

With  He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named‘s support, Porsche’s project reached fruition as the KdF-Wagen, or Strength-Through-Joy Car, the name being taken from the Nazi KdF socialist movement.  An ingenious savings scheme was announced, whereby every worker could buy stamps, the value of which eventually added up to the cost of a new car – plus a few extras, such as compulsory insurance and delivery charges.

.imageVolkswagen Stamp (1938)

Several thousand people signed up to join the scheme but the outbreak of World War II brought about its downfall.  [My note here:  Approximately 347,000 German workers, including my relatives, who had been saving money for a car through this “Christmas Club” type of savings program, lost all of their money when it was taken by the government, who used it to finance armament.]

The story of the Volkswagen might have ended there, in 1939, but such was the soundness of Porsche’s design that the car rose, phoenix-like, from the ashes of the Wolfsburg factory where it was assembled.  The tale of its rebirth is one of the great legends of automobile history, the almost derelict factory being taken over by the British Army, which viewed it as a suitable location at which to repair worn-out military vehicles.  Only when some of the officers, principle among them Major Ivan Hirst of the Royal Electrical and Mechanical Engineers, saw the potential offered by the Volkswagen, as it had become known, did production recommence.

By the time the factory was handed back to the German people in 1949, the Volkswagen had proved its worth…Sadly, Ferdinand Porsche himself was unable to witness the incredible success story which followed, a story which saw every sales and production record broken, worldwide.  In 1951, illness, largely brought on by a period of imprisonment in France, was to claim the life of the man without whom there would have been no Volkswagen.”

 

FYI:  – The very last Beetle to be built on German soil rolled off the line in 1980.  Volkswagen then turned towards production of the more modern water-cooled cars.

-Brazil and Mexico continued to produce the Beetle until the late 1990s. “These South American Beetles may not have quite the charm and simplicity – or, it can be argued, the build quality – of their German brethren, but they are Beetles through and through.”

-The “New Beetle” was launched at the Detriot Motor Show by Volkswagen in 1998.

 

 

Photo credits:  1959 Black Export Sedan, pictured in The Beetle by Keith Seume;  1938 Poster and Stamp from spartacus-educational.com; Herbie Goes Bananas Convertible photographed in Tempe, Arizona, and Herbie on Vacation photographed in Phoenix, Arizona, by the author of this article.

 

We Are Neurologically Transformed by Whatever We PRACTICE

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PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.  UGH?..

Practice, practice, practice.  It takes ten thousand hours to become an expert at something according to Malcolm Gladwell, who wrote about it in his book, Outliers.  It never occurred to me until now that this includes practicing what I am thinking, and practicing everything I do every day, which reflects my beliefs and who I want to be here in my trip on earth.

I need to stop just going along on a daily basis without thinking.  I’m practicing without realizing it.  I’m practicing what?, COMPLAINING about calories, grocery shopping, airline ticket prices, exercise, that I’m missing my very best friend?,  or FOCUSING ON WHAT I DON’T HAVE, that I don’t have my own beautiful car, just a beautiful one I share with my husband…who is busy complaining about me making it smell like a gym because I drive in it after working out?

I’m probably most busy practicing trying to change those around me to suit what I want and need, “Do you have to use that tone of voice with me?”,  as I’m on guard to see the negative in our conversation yet again.

I guess I’m practicing all of these things, and I’m going to get to the point, if I haven’t already, of being perfect at them.  It’s a startling realization, brought on by the following passage I just read:

“Transformation is not just an abstract or idealistic promise; it is an actual physical possibility. For years scientists erroneously believed that the development of the brain and nervous system was complete at the age twenty or twenty-five. Recently modern neuroscience has discovered “neuroplasticity,” confirming what was known by Buddhist psychology for millennia: even adults can change. The adult brain and nervous system grow and change throughout our lives. Until the very end, we are neurologically transformed by whatever we practice. We are not limited by the past.”   from The Wise Heart, written by Jack Kornfield

We are neurologically transformed BY WHATEVER WE PRACTICE.  Note to self:  Notice these things.  Notice what I’m thinking.  Notice what I’m doing.

Oh, alcohol….

Arizona Logic

No Words

Speaking of Moral Leaders, Check out Pope Francis

      

Big Heart Open Wide

      BIG HEART      OPEN WIDE

“Right, yes,” the pope continues.  “I know St. Mary Major, St. Peter’s…but when I had to come to Rome, I always stayed in [the neighborhood of] Via Della Scrofa.  From there I often visited the Church of St. Louis of France, and I went there to contemplate the painting of The Calling of St. Matthew, by Caravaggio.”

I begin to intuit what the pope wants to tell me.

“That finger of Jesus, pointing at Matthew.  That’s me.  I feel like him.  Like Matthew.”  Here the pope becomes determined, as if he had finally found the image he was looking for.  “It is the gesture of Matthew that strikes me:  he holds on to his money as if to say, ‘No, not me!  No, this money is mine.’  Here, this is me, a sinner on whom the Lord has turned his gaze.  And this is what I said when they asked me if I would accept my election as pontiff.”  Then the pope whispers in Latin, “I am a sinner, but I trust in the infinite mercy and patience of our Lord Jesus Christ, and I accept in a spirit of penance.”

from A Big Heart Open to God

A Conversation with Pope Francis

Interview by Antonio Spadaro, S.J.

 

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/36954483@N03/25915525665″>Can’t think of a title… er… Bob</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;, photo of painting The Calling of St. Matthew from Wikipedia.

 

I Give Myself My Own Dignity

imageI give myself my own dignity.  Cool.  I’m going to change it up.  I’m going to begin choosing mine with a soft edge, instead of the dignity I “fight” for from my hard-hearted, stubborn place.

Am reading about this human spirit/dignity thing.  Check this out, written by Jack Kornfield, from his book The Wise Heart.  

“We can perhaps most easily admire the human spirit when it shines in the world’s great moral leaders.  We see an unshakable compassion in the Nobel Peace Prize winner Aung San Suu Kyi, who remains steadfast and loving in spite of long years of house arrest in Burma.  We remember how South African president Nelson Mandela walked out of prison with a gracious spirit of courage and dignity that was unbent by twenty-seven years of torture and hardship.  But the same spirit also beams from healthy children everywhere.  Their joy and natural beauty can reawaken us to our Buddha nature.  They remind us that we are born with this shining spirit.”

I got this.  You got this.  We got this.

 

Surprised to Find This in My Search for Buddhist Wisdom

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If you can sit quietly after difficult news; if in financial downturns you remain perfectly calm; if you can see your neighbors travel to fantastic places without a twinge of jealousy; if you can happily eat whatever is put on your plate; if you can fall asleep after a day of running around without a drink or a pill; if you can always find contentment just where you are:  you are probably a dog.  ~ Jack Kornfield from  A Lamp in the Darkness

I just love this American Buddhist thinking that I keep running into.  It’s just so darned realistic.  Often has the ring of truth to me.