“Happiness is the result of inner maturity. It depends on us alone, and requires patient work, carried on from day to day. Happiness must be built, and this requires time and effort. In the long term, happiness and unhappiness are therefore a way of being, or a life skill.” – Matthieu Ricard
Am thinking we make life too complicated. Maybe it’s just not that hard. It is hard, of course, but sometimes I think we add to it. I’m excellent at ruminating, so I would be speaking to myself here. I’m remembering a conversation with a girlfriend when she was in her thirties. She is upbeat, overcomes the obstacles she encounters in life with a great attitude and a lot of energy, and is very fun to watch. She was also the victim of sexual abuse (incest, to be specific), growing up. It is extremely difficult to get over sexual abuse, and perhaps especially for her as she felt she had broken up her family in the process of defending herself as a teenager. My psychologist Aunt Linda told me one time that she can “get through” and “help” most everyone that she deals with, but that she has the most trouble getting through to sexual abuse victims. Her comment was, “they cry, and they cry, and they cry”. Not too long after hearing this I was with my girlfriend. She said that sometimes she runs into other victims of sexual abuse and that they are always fairly astonished with her happiness in life. She said, “They always ask me, ‘HOW do you do it??’ ” She tells them that it’s just like reminding yourself to sit up straight. Whenever it comes back to her, she reminds herself that this does not define her, and that she is happy now. Just like that. As the British say, “Simples.”
Easy for me to say, I know, I mean I really know, because I was much more fortunate in life than to have to reckon with anything like this.
But I still want to say it, for her, because it’s gold.
Somebody Else's Wisdom 